Relationships are hard; why we need continuing education for our marriage.

After 12 years of marriage, I've realized that all long-term intimate relationships require work, growth, and a willingness to change. Everyone experiences rough patches in their relationships; if they claim otherwise, they're deceiving themselves. Life is challenging, and living with the same person every day, sharing space, resources, and time can be difficult.

We often get engaged with the expectation that marriage will be a smooth sailing journey. We believe that once we've found our life partner, the hard work is over, and we can coast along on love. However, reality sets in, and we realize that our chosen partner isn't the perfect image we once envisioned. For many, this realization can lead to distancing from each other and the growth of resentment within their hearts. I've been there, my husband has been there, and we've both experienced this firsthand.

This realization spurred us to take action and address the issues in our relationship. We were no longer willing to remain stagnant. We understood that we needed to put in the effort.

As a veterinarian licensed in soon-to-be eight states, I'm required to complete between 15 and 30 continuing education hours per year to maintain my license, depending on the state. While that's the minimum requirement, I constantly strive to learn and improve my medical practice. The world is constantly evolving, scientific advancements are made, new medications are developed, societal expectations for pet care change, and therefore, my approach to veterinary medicine must also evolve.

If I'm continually striving to improve, learn, and perfect my professional skills, why wouldn't I do the same in my love life? We age, our life stages change as we have children, raise children, change jobs, careers, battle illnesses, grieve losses, and experience countless other life events. And our partner is going through their own unique experiences and changes. Of course, the relationship will change. Why would we expect it to remain the same? So how can we embrace this change and grow together as partners? By investing in continuing education for our relationship.

This can take many forms, such as reading books, attending therapy sessions, participating in retreats, and engaging in trial and error. My husband and I have made a concerted effort to prioritize our relationship. We do this through daily communication, joint therapy sessions, reading relationship books together, watching Ted Talks, using relationship apps, weekly dates, quick getaways just the two of us every couple of months, marriage retreats every few years, and a constant commitment to self-improvement. Here are some of the resources we've found helpful:

 * Brene Brown: All of her work

 * The Gottman Institute

 * Joyce and Barry Vissel

 * Esther Perel

 * Dan and Emily at Get Your Marriage On

We understand that this is ongoing work that we'll always need to invest in, but it's worth it. Having a partner with whom we can truly be ourselves, someone we can count on, and someone who loves us unconditionally makes it all worthwhile. Continuing education for your heart and relationship is just as necessary as it is for your profession.