Anxiety: my superpower and kryptonite all in one. How I use my anxiety to be a better doctor and how I am learning to cope with it in my marriage and parenting strategies.

Last week I had to perform a surgery to repair a surgical site that had come apart that another doctor had performed 5 days before. These surgical complications happen and I do not think the other vet was at fault at all. I truly believe this can happen to the best of us if we do enough surgeries. 

Anyways, after I finished performing the surgery and rounding the other doctor, she asked for some advice to help her know how to prevent these complications from happening in the future. I gave her several tips and tricks I do when I perform surgeries to prevent me from having post-op complications such as knotting my suture line in multiple places, using stronger suture, and testing my suture line when I am done suturing. She was so grateful for my help and tips.

This interaction made me stop and think a minute. Why do I perform all these fail safes in surgery? 

Then it dawned on me, my anxiety that brings me turmoil in other aspects of my life has caused me to adapt to be a better veterinarian. I have so many things that I do when performing surgery, communicating with clients, double checking my technical/nursing staff, and making medical recommendations that some doctors find unnecessary but I find they help keep my worrying brain calm. I have always joked I do some of those things so I can sleep better at night, but in reality it is not really far from the truth. 

I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety in high school and have found many ways to cope with the disorder over the last 20+ years with worsening symptoms during my PMS time (borderline pre-menstrual dysphoric disorder). My symptoms range from full body hives, panic attacks, to trouble sleeping, and difficulty with focus at times. I have some mild medications that help keep at least my physical symptoms at bay but have found that I also need to exercise regularly, practice meditation, mindfulness, journal, draw, and listen to music. 

For years I have been ashamed of my anxiety issues but now I realize that anxiety is not always a bad trait. My extensive worrying has caused me to develop safe practices that provide higher level of medical care and (I believe) better outcomes for my patients. 

I found that keeping busy helps alleviate my symptoms. Writing this blog, writing for an online veterinary network, exercising, participating in volunteer groups, and all the other things I do help reduce anxiety but also make me a highly productive person. This productivity is another benefit I have found in my anxiety. Many think I am an over achiever but in reality I am self soothing my anxious mind.

My anxiety rears its ugly head when I am faced with parenting and marriage challenges. However, with honest open communication with my hubby D, I have found that he can help me recognize when I am over functioning due to my anxiety. This helps me take pause to take some breathes and make sure I am regulating well. Overfunctioning is a term we use when I start barking orders or trying to over manage a situation that brings me anxiety.

Being open about my anxiety also allows me to recognize it in my own children and use my coping skills to help my kids learn at a young age how to handle this difficult deregulating issue. I have learned recently that anxiety can have a genetic component. This makes so much sense when I stop and look at my relatives. This knowledge will allow me to help my kids as they grow and learn so it does not take them 40 years to figure out how to manage their own anxiety!

I have also spent a bit of time learning about vagal nerve exercises which is a fantastic way of quickly lowering my anxiety. There are quick things I have taught the kids to do as well including: gargling water, singing, humming, controlled breathing, touch such as as hugging or petting an animal, and cold therapy including splashing face with cold water or putting a cool wet washcloth on back of your neck. 

We are a family that knows how to stop and do some deep breathing, scream into pillows, use dance parties to break up a tense mood, and most importantly discuss our feelings and how they effect our bodies. My kids love the sesame night time stories on headspace app that have deep breathing exercises incorporated into the story. My 5y old has a calming corner with stress balls, art supplies and a feelings mirror. My 10 year old has feeling charts, journaling stuff, and fidget toys in his calming corner. We got a trampoline which always instantly get out anxious energy in both adults and kids.

Anxiety is not a fun feeling but if harnessed correctly I actually think it can help us. Putting my disorder into a new light of usefulness lowers my shame involved with it. And lowering shame is always a good thing! (aerial yoga is a big anxiety reliever for me and looks cool too!)