HALT-BS: How HUNGRY, ANGRY, LONELY, TIRED, BORED, or STRESSED affects us all, kids and grownups alike!

Earlier this week I traveled alone with my kids on a plane for three and half hours, then had to drive an hour and half to get to our final destination. This was a dual purpose trip-I have to work and they get to spend time with their grandma while I work.

During this trip there was a melt down from the 5 year old from spilling all of her Sprite on herself in the airplane. A melt down from the 10 year old over which cup holder in the rental car to put his water bottle. And an explosion from me (mommy) over all the bickering and petty arguing. WE were a hot mess!

I called D to vent and he helped me realize what our problem was. Why were we at our worst? HALT-BS is almost always to blame.

HUNGRY

ANGRY

LONELY

TIRED

BORED

STRESSED

HALT-BS. Halt as in stop that crappy behavior and fix yourself (or your kiddos)!

We learned this term within the last year. Now it is one of D and I's favorite terms when we are frustrated with someone's behavior. I like it because when I say it, it reminds me to try to stop the BS (aka crappy behavior) by figuring out which factor is contributing to dysregulation. 

Most of us have heard the term hangry and are aware of the irrational emotional responses we all have while hungry. Also being aware that dysregulation can happen when somebody is angry, lonely, tired, bored, or stressed, can completely change your outlook on behavior. There is no point in trying to fix a behavior without addressing the HALT-BS. A brain in dysregulation cannot hear rational reasoning at that time. You must get back to a state of regulation before you can address the behavior. 

First, call it out: recognize which factor is affecting you or someone else then you can take away its potency. 

Next fix it: get a snack, take a nap, do some deep breathing, text a friend, journal, whatever you need to do to get rid of the HALT-BS contributor. Or as a caregiver, parent, partner, friend, or whatever, help that other person get what they need to get back to regulation. Most parents know to carry snacks with them everywhere for their kiddos, but also being aware of the other factors can allow you to realize what else is effecting the littles bad behaviors. 

D and I are now aware of HALT-BS for ourselves as well as in our kids. It has become apparent that even though travel does not cause fear or anxiety for me; it does cause enough stress that I tend to be on edge the night before I leave. We have decided that this might not be the best time for D to bring up any sensitive topics. It is also a time for me to be aware that I might have an emotional breakdown if pushed with any other stressors. Same for when I am lonely from being in a hotel alone for 7 days, I am more on edge especially when I know my family is going to church followed by a fun family outing without me. We also know if the kids did not get their mandatory 10 hours of sleep they will be cranky by the afternoon.  Boredom strikes when my kids are sitting around watching TV for too long, then they turn into zombie monsters that are not pleasant to be around. Or if I am working a long 13 hour overnight shift with only 3 patients all night I become more anxious sitting in boredom. D is definitely on edge if the dogs have kept him up all night barking to go outside. These are all our HALT-BS factors we have identified. 

Being aware of your HALT-BS  factors that cause dysregulation as well as others', can help take away some of the blame and bad feelings that emotional outbursts can cause. Awareness makes you feel less guilty/shameful for your own behavior as well. Put a halt to the BS behavior in your life for both yourself and those kiddos by giving yourself grace if HALT-BS circumstances are present. Just know that if you can remedy the factors involved, than you can reregulate everyone back to sanity!

Once my kids and I got food into us 45 minutes later, they were so sweet and loving. They even thanked me for bringing them on my work trip and buying them dinner! Deep exhale...